Baiting with Tolkien, luring Whippets named Rapunzel, and other ways to make friends
Sweet Rapunzel
Not going to lie - at 58, I find myself starting over again socially. Oh, there are exceptions - good friends who’ve hung in with me through it all - the relationship with Jack, his long illness, my COVID response, my changing life since. I’m grateful for them. But all my life events, coupled with everyone else’s life’s events, have me with open spots on my dance card.
If you know me at all, you’ll know I take action when action is needed, so I’m working hard to fill up my Favourites spot again on my car phone.
If you find yourself in the same position, here are a few tips:
Say hello to dogs
If your community is like Weston, it has oodles of ‘doodles, goldens, labs, daschunds, corgis, and even the odd boxer, always my favourite. Dogs, like people, aren’t always in the mood for conversation but if they catch my eye, I always say hello — to the dog, you understand. It makes up for all the dogs I couldn’t greet when my own dogs were barking their heads off at their canine neighbours. Once I’ve broken the conversational barrier with the dog, the owner sometimes follows. I’ve made dog-friends named Neo, Riley, Bruno, Teddy, Henry, Owen, and Billy (RIP). When you meet a whippet named Rapunzel, however, you know you have to befriend her and the owner. Which I have.
Speak to people on the Raymore Bridge
the Raymore bridge
This is pretty specific advice to Weston, but when you’ve got an iron pedestrian bridge where people stop to marvel at nature, it is a perfect place to strike up conversation. I’ve met a 20-something PhD student with a shared interest in birds of prey; an elderly Indian man who referred to two birds as ‘tall white’ and ‘short black’ which I thought much more useful than egret and cormorant (although he wrote down the real names to add to his English vocabulary); and several people who have debated whether the slim black rodent on the logs was a squirrel or a mink (clearly a mink, based on its girth, the lack of bushy tail, and its proximity to the water). This week, I met a young woman who was keen to be my photographer for a few moments.
Organize Facebook meet ups
It’s hard for me to imagine that I joined Facebook just three years ago. I poo-poo’ed it as a passing fad that held no appeal for me. I knew in my heart I’d be addicted if I tried and indeed I am. I’m a big fan of Facebook groups and in particular, the Laneway and Garden Suite Toronto group which boasts nearly 15,000 members. This proves it’s a hot topic that’s getting hotter as the housing shortage deepens. I tried my hand at convening the group at a social event in January. We had a nice gathering of 25 or so. We’ll have our second social on May 22. Join us if you’re interested - 5:30 to 8:30 pm at the Firkin on Yonge (2nd floor), across from Toronto’s Eaton Centre.
Two years ago, while I was on a two month break from work, I decided to convene a Monday night walking group using - you guessed it - another FB group. At its height, a dozen people attended to ramble through the streets and parks of Weston, without agenda, chatting about this and that. My work schedule made continuing it impossible and, despite my hope, it didn’t just magically continue without me. Some people still know me for that initiative. Anyone could do that.
my laneway gang
Go to community suppers, theatre, and community concerts
When Rapunzel’s owner first made me aware that people in the live-work artists’ spaces at Weston Common were cohosting a potluck dinner with the Crossroads Theatre artistic director, I couldn’t have been happier! A chance to meet the artists and chat over food I (mostly) didn’t make and didn’t have to decide on. And no cost. That was December. I’ve been every month since and have met some very interesting people, all who have at least an appreciation for the arts.
community potluck
At the last dinner, the Crossroads team encouraged us all to attend their show, “Journey to the Centre of the Earth.” I did and was blown away - one hour, one man, and one very engaging event. If they stage it again, you gotta go! And then you gotta hang around for the conversation and snacks.
And then there’s the house concerts - whether on a porch, in a backyard, or in a living room, these have friend-making potential. For sure!
Talk to service people
Of course, this is becoming more difficult because everywhere we are encouraged to serve ourselves. Nonetheless, I try hard in coffee shops, the pharmacy, and the library to chat to people to build connection. Having people talk to them surely must make their work more interesting too.
Join groups
It’s not all about starting my own groups - sometimes I join existing ones. Like the Writers and Editors Network (WEN), a group of 100 who meet monthly for Saturday brunch and listen to a guest speak about their writing. I’ve met some lovely people there. And this month, heard a great lecture from former NDP Speaker in the Rae government, David Warner. For a leftie-poli junkie, it doesn’t get more interesting!
Lure with books
Weston - like many communities, I’m sure - has a Facebook group devoted to sharing things - one person’s trash is another’s treasure, as we all know. I’ve rehomed many good things and, at one time in my life, I would have happily received things there too. I’m culling my book collection these days, opening up space for more books on writing and memoir (and my own book!). In my early years, I read a bit of fantasy, as we all did I think. My Tolkien reading was limited to The Hobbit and the Trilogy but someone had given me a couple of more obscure books. That was 1978. I had never cracked them but there they sat on my shelf in Chandlerville. I put them on the Weston Sharevine and before long, someone commented. Not that she wanted them but she was intrigued. I probed, convinced her to have a coffee, and now consider her a friend. And the Tolkien are on her shelf.
Building back a friendship list isn’t easy and certainly not quick either. But it’s actually kinda fun. Stay tuned in case I have more tips to share!
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