Lane Changer — Denese Gascho, finding common ground in different lanes
Denese with me, late summer
Denese Gascho met her ex in Jamaica, where she was born “under the clock,” the Jamaican expression for a city girl. That ex is a Mennonite from a small town in southwestern Ontario, and about as far from “under the clock” as you can get. At a co-op housing function early last summer, Denese gave me a hint of her story of moving with him to his hometown. I had to know more! I can’t wait to tell you.
I’ve got southwestern Ontario roots too, so I can well imagine the attention Denese garnered when she arrived in Milverton population 1,797. She was not only ‘from away,’ which is notable on its own, but add urban, non-white, post-graduate educated, and you’ve got grist for the gossip mill. I’ve no doubt Gascho experienced challenges in Milverton but she doesn’t dwell on them. Instead, she boasts about the skills she developed there. She knows to light a wood stove you position the pieces that will easily catch fire alongside those with long-burning power so they can do their collective magic. But more than that, she knows to refill the woodbox from the woodpile, so they’re dry for the next fire. And this very small woman claims she can split the oversized pieces too! She also learned how to gather wild yeast (I had to Google that one) and make her own sourdough starter. For goodness sake, Denese makes her own pectin! We swapped stories about eating seasonal food; how rhubarb is the first thing to eat in the spring and the reason we eat it with strawberries is because they ripen at the same time; and the value of an apple tree for the beauty of the blossoms in spring, and the bounty of the fruit in the fall. Rhubarb reminds her of June plums, a Jamaican fruit, an example of her focus on the common ground between lanes. In her experience, cultural similarities, not differences, engender empathy and resilience. While Denese was with her Milverton ex only six years, she jokes she’s still got the skills of a Mennonite wife making her a valuable commodity in a Zombie Apocalypse. (I get dibs because I have an apple tree. Excuse me while I go plant rhubarb.)
Their two daughters are the other legacy of her marriage. Denese avoided passing on the sickle cell anemia gene she carries by not marrying a Black man more likely to be a carrier too, but the genetic lottery was not kind to the family: both her girls inherited Li–Fraumeni syndrome (LFS) from their Mennonite side. LFS is a rare genetic disorder that predisposes carriers to cancer. With the extra monitoring that came from a positive genetic test, the younger girl was diagnosed with a brain tumour at the age of eight, catapulting Denese into a new lane, cancer mom. The devastating news was relayed to Denese by telephone on New Years Eve, 2015. There was a lot of activity on the cancer highway that Christmas, Denese’s call coming days after I landed in the cancer wife lane. Receiving the difficult news in such an insensitive way was just the beginning of the year of hell Denese navigated on her own. While psychosocial support was offered to her patient-daughter, none was offered to her or to her older daughter. Both her daughters are university students now, in STEM programs, and supported in part by Diversity Scholarships from the Co-operative Housing Federation of Toronto where I work.
You see Denese found her way into a Toronto housing co-op, where she enjoys the community support of a long-term home. Denese is active with CHFT, first on the main board and now on the CHFT Development Society board. CHFT also calls on her regularly to help boards of other co-ops smooth their governance waters. Outside the co-op sector, Denese is the first Black woman and the first immigrant to be President of the Kiwanis Club of Toronto. This high-achiever is also ABD (short for all-but-dissertation) for a PhD in Communication and Cultural Studies, despite the remarkable challenges of her last decade. Why not complete, I asked, sort of joking? Afraid to tackle the dissertation in case the outcome is flawed, her perfectionist response.
Denese Gascho credits her resilience to two bold women: her grandmother, a shopkeeper in a tougher part of Kingston; and her mother who moved to New York, leaving Denese on her own at age 17. Her mother worked day and night as a caregiver there and spent her limited free time first on her GED and then training as a nurses aid. A homeowner now, she just retired with a pension at age 65 from a hospital job she held for 27 years. The gift Denese got from these two role models is the belief that only you can change your life and doing so builds the resilience muscle.
Will Denese have another lane change? Heck yeah. Having two adult children frees space on the highway for another lane. Motivated by her deep faith, Denese imagines moving to NYC where she can provide her mother love and attention — neither are currencies they’ve traded much in before. Denese wants her mother’s life trajectory to follow the Chinese proverb: first bitter, then sweet.
In the meantime, Denese Gascho is keen to get work in the affordable housing sector. She’s grateful she found co-op housing when she needed it and wants to ensure others get the same benefit. The sector needs people with the kind of stick-to-itiveness that Denese brings.
Missed previous Lane Changer profiles?
Peter Chandler, how it all began for me
Cathy Crowe, her lane is the street
Marissa Bastidas, same lane, new direction
Pam Hudak, living on a multi-lane highway
Jennifer, crossing lanes from Phuket to pup-minderEmma Simpson, from taxiway to writing terminal
Jessica Waraich, changing lanes on the career on-ramp
Michelle Simmons, straddling two lanes in her mid-40s
Sybil Chandler (1928-2025), proud to find life’s off-ramp
Faiv Noelle, solo on a global highway
Karly Wilson, waiting aside life’s highway for the next lane
Marya Williams, when life’s lanes bring you full circle
Carolyn Whitzman, lanes inspired by mother and grandmotherValerie Groves, when the lane is bordered by perennials and pollinatorsElana Harte, Changing lanes on the “Being of Service” HighwayFaren Bogach, the fast lanes of lawyering
Cathy Mann, finding the lane to Nova Scotia
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