Lane Changer - Louise Ells, a caregiver straddling two lanes
Real Ontarions - post interview at a Tim’s in Arthur!
“Omigod, you’re a Lane Changer!” I exclaimed while catching up with writer Louise Ells at the 2025 Eden Mills Writers’ Festival. “Would you … do you think you could let me write your profile?” Her intensely personal story made me hesitate to ask.
She nodded her response that day. You will be grateful like I was.
Louise and I met through Canada Writes, a Facebook group where we’re both members. I was flattered when she spotted me at the 2024 Eden Mills Writers’ Festival. She’d just released her novel, Lies I Told My Sister, and I was happy to receive her bookmark. While Louise had always written on the side, it’s a few lanes in for her professionally. And while Ontario is where her life started in 1967, she’s traversed a few other continents before getting back here two decades ago.
Ells’ scientist parents met working at the nuclear research facility near her hometown of Deep River in Eastern Ontario. Seeing her parents navigate the trauma of her older sister dying when Louise was just three is maybe the root of the resilience we see in Louise’s story. Interestingly, though, despite the pall that hung over the family, she describes her childhood as perfect and herself as a lifelong relentless optimist (to the irritation of many, she laughs).
Louise did not inherit the STEM gene from her parents. Instead of heading to university for science, at 19, she moved to the UK to study at Le Cordon Bleu London. Using her chef’s training, she supported herself travelling overland through Asia ending up back in London. After a breakup with her boyfriend derailed her, she returned to Canada to study at Toronto’s Glendon College. By the end of her sociology degree in 1994, she was back with her London ex who’d by then found his way to Puerto Rico. She married him — the only mistake she admits making — and moved with him to Grand Cayman where she worked as a chef and for a time as a co-pilot in a submersible.
In 2004, Grand Cayman was hit by Hurricane Ivan. As the storm pounded, death seemed her likely outcome. Surviving was a turning point for Louise — after another six months with her husband, his infidelities proved too much. When her mental health suffered, her mother and sister brought her home. For several months, Louise recovered in North Bay’s psychiatric hospital, without the energy to fight her ex for half the wealth he’d accumulated in their decade together. Instead, she was approaching 40 and starting over.
Within a couple of years, she met Doug Gloin, a journalist whom she married in 2012. Writing had replaced chef-work as her primary lane. When she was accepted to an MA program in creative writing at Bath Spa University, the couple moved to the UK. She went on to complete a PhD at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge.
Academically, things were great. Personally, less so. In 2013, Doug was diagnosed with a minor cognitive impairment. He was 57. Within six months, he could no longer draw a clock, a common assessment tool for dementia. By the time Louise received her doctorate in 2015, being close to family in North Bay seemed a better choice than her planned UK academic career. Eighteen months into an administrative position at North Bay’s Nipissing University, Louise quit working to be Doug’s full-time caregiver.
Louise and Doug were part of a “Breakfast Club,” a group of couples each with one partner living with dementia. They became particularly friendly with one older couple, Donna and Dennis. With support from the Club, Louise felt confident caring for Doug at home. By 2019, though, his case manager decided the situation was no longer sustainable. Doug was moved into a long term care facility in Callander, not far from North Bay.
With COVID lockdowns just four months later Louise was unable to see Doug. By the time restrictions were lifted, her husband, still not quite a senior, no longer recognized her. Despite that, she visited him daily, trying to engage memories with photo albums. No dice.
A couple of years later, Louise was planning renos at her house. She remembered hearing about the architect-son of her Breakfast Club friends, Donna and Dennis. In March 2023, she met the son, David, to pick his brain over coffee. Also in his mid-50s, David had been caregiver to his wife who lived with Parkinsons until her medically assisted death the year before. A spark caught between Louise and David, undoubtedly due to their shared experience. It wasn’t long before they were visiting each other every weekend.
Four months later, Louise Ells made a difficult decision but one that, if the roles were reversed, she would have expected of Doug: Louise leapt into a new lane, moving four hours south from North Bay to David’s Orangeville home where she still lives.
“One wild and precious life,” she offered, as she finished telling me of her move, quoting Mary Oliver. Like Oliver suggests, Ells has chosen to live in the moment, following the deep and instant connection with David. Knowing life can change on a dime, the move was just the first of more reckless decisions like replacing the car when it wasn’t strictly necessary and traveling more, including their recent two week trip to Denmark and last year’s month in New Zealand. But the couple is also on high alert for signs of aging. David could well follow in his father’s footsteps down the lane to Alzheimers. Should that happen, she vows to be an even better caregiver to David than she was in the early stages to Doug. Neither she nor David want to put the other into the caregiver role though. They both believe in MAiD and will seriously consider that option, if and when.
I admire Louise not only for how she’s living her life but for her openness with me. I’m a stranger though. What did the people around you think, I asked. His closest friends have been very supportive. At first, her friends expressed concern at the speed of things with David. They’re good with it now, two years later. David’s family are thrilled. Not surprising since his parents knew Louise first! There have been hiccups with some others, but that’s to be expected. Louise has no regrets about this or any of the other changes she’s made along the way.
She doesn’t rule out more lane changes either. After all, she’s not even 60. For now, life works well making biweekly trips to see Doug. While she’s north, she takes on some teaching opportunities. Professionally, the south works better though — more writers, more readers, and more writerly activities.
Louise Ells suggested I check back in five years. I’ll certainly do so. I also suspect I’ll be able to see whatever changes lie ahead from my new position in her circle of friends. And I can’t wait!
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Do be sure to give Lies I Told My Sister a read. She gave me a copy during our interview and I devoured it in short order. Although it’s fiction, it reads like a memoir (my favourite) and it’s got a great storyline with believable characters. I’ve put her first book, Notes Towards Recovery, on hold at the library. Looking forward to giving it a read too. Take a look at her website here: https://www.louiseells.ca/ Check her out on Instagram too https://www.instagram.com/louiseellsauthor/
Curious about my Lane Changer series? Check out these profiles
Peter Chandler, how it all began for me
Cathy Crowe, her lane is the street
Marissa Bastidas, same lane, new direction
Pam Hudak, living on a multi-lane highway
Jennifer, crossing lanes from Phuket to pup-minderEmma Simpson, from taxiway to writing terminal
Jessica Waraich, changing lanes on the career on-ramp
Michelle Simmons, straddling two lanes in her mid-40s
Sybil Chandler (1928-2025), proud to find life’s off-ramp
Faiv Noelle, solo on a global highway
Karly Wilson, waiting aside life’s highway for the next lane
Marya Williams, when life’s lanes bring you full circle
Carolyn Whitzman, lanes inspired by mother and grandmotherValerie Groves, when the lane is bordered by perennials and pollinatorsElana Harte, Changing lanes on the “Being of Service” HighwayFaren Bogach, the fast lanes of lawyering
Cathy Mann, finding the lane to Nova ScotiaDenese Gascho, finding common ground in different lanesSafiya Randera, lanes that cross land, community, and artChristine Mounsteven, nine decades, still driving forward on life’s highway
When a sector changes lanes: How ONPHA gave me hopeVeronika Tursik, in a new lane and behind the wheel for the first time!Lane Changing Rings
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